The 4 C's of Parenting

We are now the proud parents of pubescent teenagers, and I am definitely learning how to navigate these sometimes choppy waters. I am a big fan of a ministry called Homeword which is ran by a wonderful man named Jim Burns. He is such a great parenting expert. I once heard him share about the 4 C’s of parenting, and they happen in this order: Caring, Controlling, Coaching, and Confiding. When we first have those little newborns, they are 24/7 care. I was just talking to a friend of mine in church who is being absolutely blown away right now by how much her and her husband’s lives have been changed and rocked by this little 10 pounds of humanity. They are completely helpless blessings who constantly need our attention. But then you have the controlling phase where we pretty much micromanage our child’s lives, and we have to do so for their own physical safety. Left on their own with no boundaries, our little ones would not survive as they climb whatever they want, yank on whatever they want and put in their mouths whatever they want. We kind of stay in that season quite a while, and if I’m being honest, I would love to still park there for a long time. But I’m already finding my parental gears shifting to not JUST controlling but with some coaching as well. I know that in a few short years, coaching will be all I will do. Coaching involves being very loving and caring and involved in our kids’ lives. But it also leaves enough distance for kids to test boundaries and experience the pains of failure and consequences. My controlling nature so wants to not let this happen, but this is good for our kids and very important in their maturation process. And I can’t wait for the day (well, I CAN wait because I don’t them to grow up this fast), when we are in the confiding stage. You know that stage. Perhaps you are in that phase now with your parents, where you can call them and get advice, sharing your feelings and problems. If things work out well and we are blessed to have good parents, in the adult years, parents become great friends. But in the meantime, I am still controlling and coaching along with my pre-teen and teen. We were just having a healthy debate about whether or not parents ruin everything. Those are fun conversations. My son Cameron often jokes around and asks me if I want to be his friend. We love saying random things like that. I almost always say NO. I say, I just want to be your Dad. And to me, that’s even better. It will mean at times that my kids don’t like me, but that just means I’m doing my job. Hebrews 12:10-11 says, “Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Being a parent gives me a very microscopic idea of what God the Father must feel like. Does He ever wonder if we are ever going to learn? Do we ever break His heart? Does He smile when He sees us finally get something and stay within His boundaries? I know one thing: He’ll do anything to have an amazing, life-changing love relationship with us. He showed us this by laying down His own Son. As a dad, I want to emulate that kind of selfless, sacrificial love for my kids. That love involves selflessness and discipline. It involves all the time caring, sometimes controlling, consistently coaching, and ultimately confiding. Parenting truly is the toughest job around. As you navigate these waters, look to the best Parent ever, our Heavenly Father for all the strength and wisdom that we truly need to be the parents that our kids truly need!